Gwyneth Paltrow is breaking down the secret to “conscious uncoupling.”

Since the actress and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin divorced in 2016, the former couple has been celebrated for how the continue to co-parent in a healthy way. While chatting with Drew Barrymore on Tuesday (Sept. 22), Paltrow revealed that “in a way, the divorce and my relationship with Chris now is better than our marriage was.”

“You have to have radical accountability,” she continued. “You have to know that every relationship is 50/50 no matter what you think, how you think you were wrong or how bad you perceive the other people’s actions. If you’re brave enough to take responsibility for your half and really look at your own garbage and your own trauma and how it’s presenting in the world and in your relationship, then there’s really somewhere to go and something to learn and something to heal. Also, you’re holding the other person in the sphere of humanity. We’re all part good and part bad. There’s no binary.”

While the ultimate goal is minimizing trauma for their two children, Apple and Moses, Paltrow admitted that at times it’s harder than it looks. “Some days, you really don’t want to be with the person you’re getting divorced from, but if you’re committed to having a family dinner, then you do it,” she shared. “You take a deep breath, and you look the person in the eye and remember your pact, and you smile and hug and you make a joke and you just recommit to this new relationship that you’re trying to foster.”

“You’re ending a marriage, but you’re still in a family,” she concluded. See the full interview below.

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